It has always been an interest of mine to consider the nuances involved in my encounters with others, those that are nourishing and even those that are more distasteful for some reason. In recent years, my interest has broadened to include encounters with animals, nature, books, movies and now, online conversations with people who I treasure yet may never meet.

Monday, August 20, 2012

NOT ALL WHO WANDER ARE LOST


This is a fanciful story. The part that is true relates to the state of my mind since my mother passed and my Care Bear adventure was complete. Recent ‘chats’ with my twitter pal and favorite author, Julia Hughes, inspired me to write the story. I am deeply grateful.

   A wanderer by nature, it was no surprise to anyone in our group that I had disappeared. My sisters and I were touring England, a country that our dad had loved when in the Army during World War II. While my mom was still living, we had often talked of making the trip yet life events seemed to intervene.  Now we were here, carrying the spirit of our mother with us. We had chosen to spend this day in the county of West Sussex, South Downs National Park to be exact. The description in our Guidebook excited each of us though in different ways.  Marty wanted to explore the Beach Head area with its Lighthouse. In the Guide, the words, ‘Lovely crisscross paths of South Downs Way, a magical journey with historic gems, never far from the sea,’ got Kathy so excited that she barely had a wink of sleep the night before. Carly, though, was enthralled by the thought of seeing those ‘chalky white Seven Sisters Cliffs, with a view of pounding waves and shrieking gulls.’
   I set out on this day’s trek with an open mind, ready to savor each scene, every encounter. From the moment of my first step onto this great land, there was an air of expectation humming in my veins. The earth on which I stood had breath, had a voice. Today, each of us had our own day packs filled with water and snacks. We had cell phones so that each could go her own way yet had agreed to not wander off too far from each other. We were, after all, visitors in a strange land.
  Beauty surrounded us. This land was infused with history. We were already awed and charmed by ancient castles, ages old villages and stone walls alongside the roads on which we had traveled. With a mix of excitement and wonder, my sisters and I neared our destination, entering Seven Sisters Countryside Park on our way to view the cliffs.
  Carly, Kathy and Marty excitedly chattered as they took the main way-marked walk. My senses though, had me pausing and were drawing me into a different direction, onto a nature trail that led into Friston Forest. Although today was a sunny one, the trail was shrouded in light wispy-like fingers of fog. This is the point at which I disappeared.
   One moment I was at the edge of the Forest gazing at the fingers of fog and the next, I was somewhere deep within where no human sounds intruded. Shaking my head in wonder, I checked my cell phone and saw that there were no bars so, yes, a bit of fear began to tingle. More so, however, was the greater tingle of expectation. I was in a glade. Towering pines intermixed with a variety of beech, birch and chestnut trees surrounded the small light-filled space in which I stood. Taking a deep breath to calm my fear and excitement, I grabbed the water bottle from my pack. Bird calls began to filter into my racing mind and I noticed warblers, blue tits and even a few Swallowtail butterflies flitting around a patch of yellow and blue flowered bushes.
   ‘Time to sit down, Dode!’ I said as an old fallen tree caught my eye.  Grabbing a fiber bar from the day pack and settling down on the old tree, I started chuckling at my circumstances. “I am a lost puppy!” I muttered towards a nearby bush thick with leaves, variegated in shades of green with flickers of yellow, my nearest bit of company. At that statement, there came an explosion of wings as birds flew all around me making incredible raucous calls. Whether the calls were made to me or to each other, I do not know. All I know is that the speed of their passing in and around the glade caused the leaves of bushes and trees to ripple in time to a beat of their own. I had stood up with my pack and was ducking and swaying as the birds swirled by so close. When danger is near, especially of the unknown kind, it is wise to be ready. What other reason could there be for such a ruckus? As if someone had snapped her fingers, all of the birds ceased flying, finding perches on the branches of the surrounding trees.
   An eerie silence descended upon the glade as the raucous explosion of sound and the ripple of winds through the leaves simply stopped. It was at that moment that my breath got caught in my throat. Hovering in front of me at the level of my face was another creature of the forest, one that, until now, was found only in fables and folklore kinds of tales. She was vibrant and dressed in yellow, as bright as the sun on its best seen days.
   ‘The old tree is happy that you’ve chosen to use the gift that she offers. Please, sit back down. There is no danger here.’ I stumbled backwards and sat down, mouth still agape.  ‘My name is Tinker,’ she said. ‘I am one of the fairies of this forest. Your spirit has been languishing yet also, emitting invisible signals for help.  The Great Spirit, who answers to many names, has deemed your readiness to step out of sadness and the residual tendrils of despair. I am Great Spirit’s messenger. May I sit on your knee?’
   Tears leaked onto my face as I nodded my head, yes. My entire body was trembling though not in fear. Tinker settled upon my knee and spoke these words to me. ‘Great Spirit brought you to this glade because it is well known that you are more energetically open when out amongst nature. Despair no more at the seeming lack of direction that clouds your thoughts. The way of your journey through grief since the loss of your mother has been an essential one. The swirls of emotions that bound you in grief are healing ones. What has been full must empty. You have done well in honoring this journey towards emptiness, a space not empty but full of potential. Vigor for living has been trickling back into your spirit. You need only, in your mind, to step forth into life. New adventures await and will find their way to you. Be at peace.’
   And with the next beat of my heart, Tinker was gone. Instead of standing in a magical glade, I was once again standing at the entrance to the trail. There was no fog. I heard my name then, ‘Dody!’ Kathy was laughing, walking towards me. ‘Are you asleep standing up? We’ve been calling your cell phone yet you did not answer. Guess you thought I needed more exercise today, right?’ she asked grabbing my arm and steering me towards the others standing in the distance.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

MOTHERS



    I used to view the world, nature and people, only through rose-colored glasses. When my ‘cork popped’ while in group therapy for codependency issues, for a while the world was seen as very stark, dark, with not much rosy at all. Continuing to seek and find some balance brought me to the realization that the world has varying shades of light and dark, in nature and in people and, in myself.  My mother was a role model for my recognition that there is a choice involved in our views of the world.   I’ve chosen now, for quite some time, to wear my rose-colored glasses. I take them off when I need to see all shades clearly and make choices that are nourishing. This poem was written for my mom in 1993, shortly after donning again my rose-colored glasses.


                               How precious is our Mother Earth,
                       for she graciously shares with us her bounty.
       She portrays the breadth of her love in the myriad shapes and colors 
                                 of the sky, the clouds, the rainbows.
              She shows us, through her storms that there is a time to let go
                                         of pregnant, built up energy…
     And through her rain..that tears must come forth to release the energy
               and, thus, offer cleansing and nourishment to the soul within.

  Earth enfolds us in the fragrance of her myriad trees, plants and flowers…
      To remind us of the variety of ways that sweetness can come to us.
              And that the sweetness is always there for us to experience
                                      Or pass by if we so choose.

 How glorious is her sun! Though sometimes unseen above the clouds,
      the sun shines forth to vitalize our spirits, illuminate our hearts.
                      Our Mother Earth keeps watch over us at night
         For her moon offers a soft glow, quiet comfort while we sleep…
                  her stars twinkle at us as we close our eyes to rest,
        a reminder to us that we, too, can keep a twinkle in our own eyes.

              Mother Earth uses her wind to sweep over and around us,
    often with a gentle flow yet sometimes a powerful, energizing embrace…
    perhaps a nudge for us to go with the flow of our own lives and natures.
                      
                          How precious you are, Mother Earth!  
          How grateful I am to experience and partake of all that you offer.

                        How precious you are to me, dear Mother!
                               You give so freely of your bounty.
     You provide me with the warmth of your love, the vitality of your spirit,
     the sweet kindness in your heart and a twinkle ever present in your eyes.

                                 There is so often a smile on your face  
                        Offering a wordless greeting of joy to all you meet.
     The quiet faith in your soul shows me that no matter what is happening,
                  the God of one’s understanding is always present to enfold us
                                                gently in loving arms.

                              How precious you are, dear Mother,
                            And how grateful I am to Mother Earth
                          For in my experiencing of our Mother Earth,
          I am ever reminded of how blessed I feel to have you as my mother.

 In loving memory of my mom, Eva Cox.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

UNEXPECTED VISITORS


My mom and I had always enjoyed bird watching. When dementia took her brain to a child’s level, her joy at spotting birds became even more infectious. I often took my mom on bird-spotting car trips to look for ospreys, mockingbirds, egrets, herons, cardinals, mourning doves, house wrens and favorites, turkey buzzards, especially those having a ‘happy meal.’ It endeared me more to my mom when she saw moss on power lines and grabbed my arm shouting out her garbled version of, “Look, Dody..birds!”

 The day was sunny and hot yet a slight breeze cooled us as we gathered beneath some grand old oak trees in the cemetery that had been the site of my father’s grave for almost 60 years. Our Hospice chaplain was reading faith-filled passages from the Bible and recounting sweet memories of his visits with our mother during her last few months of life. Some might expect that my tension would have lessened since my Care Bear duties were now over. Grief, though, has its own version of tension and I had my head bowed trying to relax before reading a tribute to my mom.

Taking a deep breath, I lifted up my head in time to witness the arrival of two unexpected visitors just beyond the boundary of our little cemetery. Laughter burst out of me, interrupting the chaplain. Others began laughing too as I pointed towards two large turkey buzzards that had just landed in a spot of sun on the road that divided the cemetery from a tree-filled park. The buzzards began hopping around, flapping their wings and cavorting with each other. I figured that there was a dead squirrel or other animal on the road yet there was none. The buzzards then entertained us further by flying up onto a large sloping branch of an oak tree. They were still flapping and squawking, putting on a show for us all. ‘Eva and Carl sent them,’ I laughingly said, explaining to everyone about our enjoyment at spotting those turkey buzzards on our rides. Those two buzzards eventually quieted down and sat on the branch throughout the rest of the service.
Life is full of mysterious meanings and signs, beyond the obvious. To my sisters and I, those two turkey buzzards were sent by our mother’s fun-loving spirit. It was a way for her to give us the message that she was ‘just fine!’ Our sadness got lifted and we felt more assurance that our mom was free of her old, tired body and was cavorting around in her heaven with our dad.
No matter how much we humans want to hang on to someone or something special, the time for letting go always makes itself known in some way. It had been 4 months since my mom had died. To honor my mother’s long-time wish for me to write a book, I had begun using my journal entries and writing a rough draft of what eventually became a memoir, ADVENTURES IN MOTHER-SITTING. It was January and Florida was having unusually cold weather. I had the sense that my old kitty, Sierra, was still hanging on with me, serving as an anchor to keep me more at home writing and typing. I was typing on the last chapter when Sierra let go of her tired, old body.

At Sierra’s death, the house became empty of companions. I went to bed that night thinking, ‘My hum is gone.’ My 62nd birthday was just around the corner. I hit a ‘rock bottom’ kind of place, cold and dark; everything that used to be important felt meaningless though the emotional coldness had nothing to do with wanting to die. It helped to know that family and friends were there yet I knew that I had finally dropped into the colder, deeper part of depression, an integral part of the journey through grief. I did what I had learned to do as Mother’s Care Bear; keep breathing through the cold, empty moments. Waking up one morning a week later, out loud I said, ‘I’m back!’

It was still ice cold outside. I sat at the dining room table so I could view the sky and trees, signs of life to me. Sierra was no longer with me yet, every day in her stead were large groups of turkey buzzards flying in the sky and amongst the trees outside my window. They inspired me to keep on writing. Turkey buzzards are ugly to some people yet to me they are funny and cute. When they fly, however, no other bird can match the effortless way in which they catch the drifts of the wind. These birds do not fight the powerful winds; they simply synchronize their flights with the winds’ flow. I could not help but wonder if the spirits of my mother and Sierra colluded to send the turkey buzzards en masse, as encouragement for me to stay in my flow; complete our memoir.

Monday, July 16, 2012

TWILIGHT SERENITY


 When my British Twitter friend, Felicity Lennie, teasingly suggested I write a story about gators, a fanciful short one ensued. The Dora Canal is near my 'back yard,' and connects two large lakes in Lake County, Florida. The picture is one that I took while kayaking on the Canal.  Here is the fanciful story.

   It was getting late. The setting sun, though only glimpsed through the trees that bordered this canal, was beginning to meet the horizon. I paddled a few strokes yet felt too serene to disturb the peace of this environment. All the boats had completed their passages on the way to the bigger bodies of water connected by the canal. There was just me surrounded only by the flapping wings of a few passing egrets, big blue herons and kingfishers, their fishing done for the day. Music began to surround me, a cacophony of sounds made by frogs, cicadas and other unknown species of night life: Serenity.
    A gentle movement of the water rocked my kayak. “It does not get much better than this,” I whispered as the sun offered its final kiss goodnight. Sighing in contentment, I put on a visor-type headlight from my pack to help me find my way from the canal into the small lagoon of home. Just as I dipped my paddle into the water, two loud slaps hit the water behind me causing me to jerk around much too fast. Night time loud noises in a swamp-like canal can get scary. My kayak dipped down, flipped and into the canal I went. Grabbing the paddle, adrenalin pumping into overdrive, I treaded water, turning round and round looking for the source of those slaps. My headlight was still operational so I could see several pairs of eyes, glowing deep red: Gators. They were not moving though. They were in the distance. Keeping an eye on them, I got the kayak flipped back over.
   As I caught my breath, still treading water and looking for a cypress knee big enough to climb up on and reseat myself back into the kayak, a monstrous-looking head with glowing red eyes surfaced in front of me.  I screamed then, loudly, and kept screaming, thrashing fearfully about with my paddle. The huge gator never moved. Adrenalin finally empty, worn out, I simply gave up, muttering, “This is it,” facing the demon that would end my life.
   The gator never showed any aggressive kind of move. Instead, continuing to look steadily at me, he spoke. Yes, in my mind, he-spoke-to-me. I heard thoughts that were not mine. “It is all okay,” his thoughts said. “I stunned a water moccasin heading to you. They slither into anything and sink their venom into any living thing so I slapped this one away. Some kinds of beings, even you two-legged types, are not tuned in to the synergistic flow of the universe. They act out of very basic instincts for survival, unable to tune into having any further purpose in the bigger picture. You are one of the two-legged beings and I am one of the big clawed, scary-looking beings who are tuned in. You have nothing to fear. I innately knew that I was to take action, to save you. This is not the way you will go though, if it was, it would simply have been your way, your time. Climb onto my back. It’s bumpy, a little uncomfortable but tough enough to support you. I’ll get you back to your lagoon.”  Still in a state of conscious disbelief yet also in touch with the flow of innate understanding, I pulled my body onto the back of this gator and grabbed the rope of my kayak.

No one in my community saw me return that night. If they had, it would have been chalked up to be a delusion. I doubt if anyone could have believed the sight of me on the back of an 18 foot alligator with a kayak trailing behind. To this day, I’m not even sure if I believe this happened to me. I only know that a deep level of compassion and respect for life, for all species, and our synergistic purpose in the universe gives me pause to walk through my day with more awareness. I still kayak in the Dora Canal though, by twilight, I now enjoy the night music while sitting on my porch.   

                 

Monday, July 9, 2012

28 Hours on the Panama Canal

My dear friend, Aaron Luoma, has led an adventurous life, having lived in 20 of our world's countries. Fluent in Spanish, Aaron has served as a volunteer in various impoverished areas of South America. This is an excerpt from his diaries, one of his treasured encounters.

Last month I went to the Balboa Yacht Club at the Pacific entrance to the Panama Canal to investigate the possibility of traversing the canal as a line handler. I had read in my guidebook that this is sometimes possible. There I met a young French couple who were also, like me, looking to serve on a crew. They happened to have an ad posted at the club looking to be "dropped off at Equator," their misspelling of Ecuador, I quickly realized.  After chatting with them a few minutes, Seymour, the captain of the 36-foot Orion, approached us and asked us if we would like to crew on his boat. It was that simple! And Seymour saves $50-100 a day that he would have to pay to Panamanians to do the work we were to do. Should I feel guilty for stealing their work?

The Panama canal was completed in 1913 at the cost of more than 40,000 lives, mostly from Yellow Fever. Half of the casualties were from the American effort and the other half from the aborted attempt by the French in the 1880's. It is 50 miles long, 43 as the crow flies. It takes approximately nine hours to pass completely through. There are three locks, each one 110 feet wide. Locomotives run on tracks on the sides of each lock to help pull the big freighters through. Each locomotive costs $1 million. One cruise liner paid a record fee of roughly $120,000 for a single passage. The mammoth freighter that followed us through the last lock housed between 1,000-1,200 cars.

Seymour looked very much the part of the crusty old veteran of the seas. He is around 55, thin, with shoulder-length scraggly blond hair and a slightly receding hairline. He has the requisite leathery skin and is minus two of his front teeth. A nasty scar is prominent on his upper arm and he has worn and scarred hands, the latter the result of experimenting with explosives as a mischievous adolescent.
From Alaska but growing up in the South, Seymour acquired a folksy, self-effacing charm that draws people to him. As he struggled to remember his few words of French, he stated, "I was never much good at learnin'."  Seymour impressed me later as a man who has learned a great deal. He is not only a skilled navigator at sea but seems to have managed many of life's storms and now finds himself a man, content and at peace.
That night the French couple, Helene and Gurvan, and I boarded the boat to prepare for a 5 a.m. departure the following morning. We spent the night getting acquainted. Three other friends of Seymour's, Donna, her husband, Brian, and Nolan, a waiter from California, were also along for the journey. Seymour made us feel right at home. He told us corny jokes, asked Helene and Gurvan the origin of the "french kiss," and did his best rendition of "fa-ra-zha-ka, fa-ra-zha-ka, por le vouz (sp.?)..."
I was quite pleased to discover all of Seymour's friends were big Neil Young fans. So we began to reminisce about our favorite songs and albums. After I had excitedly shared perhaps one too many Neil anecdotes, their enthusiasm seemed to wane and I started feeling the "hey, but you weren't there, man" vibes.

At 4:30 a.m. the alarm woke us and we started preparations to launch. At five, 30 minutes earlier than Seymour expected, a radio call notified us that our Panamanian observer would be arriving shortly to help guide us through the canal. Seymour, anxious about his first pass through the canal, immediately cut all non-essential electricity use, breakfast plans were halted, and after a couple of frantic and failed starts, he got the engine running.
I was to be stationed at the right bow of the boat along with Gurvan. We would be responsible for keeping our line taut when the boat was lowered and raised while passing through the locks. There are four lines at each corner of the boat that would extend to linesmen on the banks of the canal who would then anchor the lines to posts. This is to keep the boat steady and directed at dead-center. This positioning is called a "center chamber lockage."

Accidents can occur when smaller vessels are not positioned or tied correctly and they encounter the turbulent wash of bigger vessels, positioned in front, when they fire up to accelerate after passing through the locks. This can send smaller boats such as Seymour´s crashing into the banks of the canal. Seymour told me that if he were to have any difficulty in passing, a tugboat would be ordered at the cost to him of $800 an hour. I'm sure he felt the $500 fee he was required to pay for passage was a big enough expenditure for one day's journey.
Our Panamanian "observer" was quite authoritarian which made Seymour even more nervous as this burly Panamanian, dripping with machismo, barked out his orders. As we were approaching the first lock I went down below to change film. As I was about to climb back up, I noticed Seymour above me, perfectly framed in the narrow opening at the top of the short stairway, frantically spinning his captain's wheel to and fro. He exhibited a range of grimacing expressions clearly demonstrating the strain he was under.

We successfully passed the first two locks with little trouble. Gurvan and I listened to direction from the Panamanian observer and from our partner out front, Nolan, Seymour's buddy who had passed through the canal a few days prior.  As we passed through the locks, Gurvan and I pulled up and let out slack on the 125-foot line for which we were responsible. The middle five hours were spent napping and slowly motoring (boats are forbidden to sail in any part of the canal) through the dense jungle on both sides.
In this wide mid-section of the canal, there was no evidence that this was in fact a canal but, rather, was a river of varying widths that widened into a large man-made lake. The lake was formed when the original engineers flooded a huge valley on the south side of a ridge on the northern end of the canal just before the final lock. As the water slowly filled the valley, freightened animals scurried to higher ground. An island in the center of the lake is now a biological reserve managed by the Smithsonian. As we continued on, scores of exotic birds - half of them pelicans - and two dark brown howler monkeys perched in the trees, were the wildlife we observed.
Around 2:00 p.m. as we approached the more rainy Carribean side, dark clouds rolled in. I was summoned to my normal position, wearing my yellow Morton's fisherman's jacket, to receive instructions from Nolan on passage through the final lock. I was told it was one lock but has a series of three chambers that would lower us a total of 85 feet to the Carribean sea level. A downpour soon unsued that made vision difficult. Nolan taught me how to make a "monkey fist" knot, which I would have to tie quickly to the rope that would be tossed to me from atop the canal wall when we entered the first chamber. I stood there in this driving rain storm repeatedly tying my knot in preparation for my big moment.
Thankfully, as we approached the final lock, the rains ceased. I successfully tied my "monkey fist" as we were guided into the chamber. Much to my chagrin, my inexperience caused the only difficult or potentially dangerous moment of our voyage. I knew that the four linesman needed to work in coordination to ensure that the boat stayed bow-forward as much as possible. As I concentrated on my area of responsibilities, I simply listened, awaiting further instructions from the observer. My back was to Nolan and the bow, a big mistake, as I let out my slack.
During that time, I heard no other orders. Unbeknownst to me, Nolan, on my left, began to pull up his slack while I was letting mine out! In a matter of a couple of seconds, this turned the boat almost 45 degrees his way, with the bow directly facing the wall. Shouts soon rang out from several people and I immediately pulled up my slack with all my might and the boat was soon back dead-center, much to my relief. After we were secure, the observer, a different guy from the one in the morning, came over and politely, though sternly, explained to me that I must be face-forward and also  keep my eye on Nolan when working the rope during the final two chambers. It made perfect sense and I wished someone had told me that prior to the mishap! 
The final two positionings in the last two chambers went smoothly. The whole passage through the three chambers took around two hours. I was greatly pleased and thankful to have been given a more prominent role this afternoon as I was solely responsible for my line during those final two hours.

As we emerged from the final lock and motored towards the Carribean port of Colon, I observed a series of lone trees alongside the eastern side of the river. They had long since dried up and were now just skeletons of their former verdant selves. It was a dramatic setting as dusk approached; the dark clouds prominent behind the trees and a small band of sunlight on the horizon providing just the perfect amount of illumination. With scores of birds perched on branches and flying around above, the true beauty of these exotic creatures was obscured in sillouhette, making them appear more like scavenging crows. It was a beautifully eerie setting that evoked images of a Hitchcock film.
We had been told of the dangers of Colon, i.e., the highest unemployment, poverty, and crime rates in the country, so Seymour felt that it would be dangerous for Helene, Gurvan, and I to go ashore at night to find a hotel. Therefore we anchored in the harbor and spent a second night on board. We would be brought back to shore the following morning to catch a bus back to Panama City. The final night Helen, Gurvan, and I chatted with Seymour and Donna, the former sharing more about his simple life on the Yukon and his philosophy of fatherhood. Later we coaxed Donna and him to perform on the guitar and ukele.  "But on one condition," Donna said.  The three of us had to also participate by providing the rythym. She pulled out a percussion "egg" for Helene to shake and grabbed a couple of spoons for me to rattle. They then serenaded us with old southern folk tunes. Donna proved herself wise as the collaborative effort made the experience even more memorable.
It was a fitting finale to an amazing twenty-eight hours of adventure that I´ll never forget. The next morning as we said our goodbyes, Seymour gave us his email address  and invited us to visit his cabin on the Yukon anytime, staying as long as we liked. Maybe someday I'll take him up on that.  

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Four Sisters


            If our mother and father had not been so in ‘love,’ not all of the four of us would have made it into the world. Carl and Eva had their first all-day date on December 7, 1941, Pearl Harbor Day. Though Carl had recently been discharged from the Army after serving in Panama, he re-enlisted and for the next two years while in England wrote a slew of poems and love letters to his Eva.

            Meanwhile, Eva was in Nurse’s training at Grady Memorial Hospital in Atlanta. She was planning to enlist as an RN yet WWII ended, Carl made it home and they were married one month after her graduation. My sister, Carlene, showed up in about 10 months during the month of September and my entry as Doreen occurred in late January 15 months later. Kathleen entered the family earlier in January of the following year and Marlene showed up in mid-January of the year after that. Our mom baked a few birthday cakes in January!

            My sisters and I do not remember our dad. We remember his essence, all the stories about him told to us by others; that he was so much fun, very kind like his mother and that he loved his girls. Our dad had written each of us a special poem.

About 1 ½ years after Marty was born, our dad was doing some extra tree-trimming work for the city, doing something he loved. Eva had had a minor surgical procedure so Carl came home for lunch to check on her. As reported by my aunt, his last words to my mom were, ‘I’ll be home at 4:00 to take the kids to the lake. I love you, Querida!’ Before 4:00 arrived, however, our dad’s safety line broke and he fell to the street from the top of an old, large oak tree.

It was family that got my mom through those first tough years. Her much younger sister moved in and took care of us girls. Another sister and her husband lived next door. Like most siblings, we squabbled A LOT and fought over play-acting roles, clothing, toys and whose turn it was to sit by the windows in the car. Next door, 3 male cousins entered the world during the next three years and we became ‘the young’uns.’ We had assigned chores yet were also given time to play. There were Chinaberry fights with homemade slingshots, sliding down a dirt hill on cardboard and on rainy days, we played ‘office’, ‘doctor’ or had singing contests. My mom did private duty nursing on an evening shift in order to bring in more income. There was a stepfather for a few years yet when my mom became aware that he was unhealthy for her girls, she divorced him, not an easy thing for a Christian woman to do during that period of time. She became a Public Health nurse, allowing her to be home in the evenings with her growing-up-fast daughters.

As teenagers, we each began to branch off into our own social groups. Our mom somehow managed to make it through the emergence of her girls’ more headstrong personalities. Truth be told, we were not easy! Behind every scolding, however, was her encouragement for us to be independent, to ‘leave the nest’ and to walk with our heads held high no matter what mistakes we made. Each of us got plenty of opportunities to practice this. Our lives took us in different directions and our mom was the hub that kept us linked throughout our early adult years. We have since forged strong friendship connections with each other.

I was the daughter who has lived life as a ‘rolling stone,’ living out of state for a while, having an adventuresome career path. It was so interesting to reread all the letters that I had written to my mom over the years. In the mid-1990s, our mom had a TIA (mini-stroke).  It seemed fitting for me then to stay close so I became her roommate. Our mom recovered well from most TIAs so I continued to live my life, to commute to wherever my job happened to be. My aunt and my mom were able to support each other for doctor visits and fun outings.  In 2006, though, an onset of dementia ramped into a faster pace.

            It was not easy to let go my job as a group counselor for expelled teens yet a greater adventure awaited me.  Though I stepped in to be our mom’s full-time caregiver, her Care Bear, I was never alone emotionally. My sisters tagged team for me when they could throughout those 3 years. Every decision that had to be made was discussed with my sisters. I cannot recall one argument or disagreement regarding any aspect of our mother’s care. One sister had already been through a very tough caregiver situation with her husband. The other two had had their own brands of calamitous situations to weather. We were able to keep our mother at home and all of us were with her when her body took its last breath.

            Every time I hear stories of adult family members who squabble continuously, often not speaking to each other for years, I feel so very grateful for the relationships that my sisters and I have with each other.  They were forged by the love between our parents and by the seeds of unconditional love shown to us by our mother.